Marriage and Divorce

Alan Lewis
Elon, North Carolina
February 2024

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (I Corinthians 7:10-16 NIV)

We are studying the Book of I Corinthians. We are continuing our study of one of the longest chapters in the book. It is I Corinthians 7. The Corinthians got to have a Q & A with an apostle.

It’s good to ask questions. If they did not ask questions, we would not have most of I Corinthians. If you could write a letter to an apostle and ask him anything, like the Corinthians did, what would it be?

How would you like to get counseling from a real apostle? He probably would not spend a lot of time talking about your childhood. Paul does some marriage counseling and premarital counseling in this chapter.

The second part of the book is all answers to questions. I Corinthians 7:1 begins with the words, “Now concerning the matters you wrote about” (BSB)

The first question that he answered had to do with relationships. We still have all kinds of questions about relationships today. We might not ask some of the questions the Corinthians asked.

We might ask some different questions, but the question Paul answers today is very relevant in our day. It is about marriage problems. We have plenty of those today. We have plenty of those in the church.

Last week, we looked at the question, is it better to be married or single? There’s no right or wrong answer to that question. We like everything black and white. Many things are not black and white.

Paul gave his opinion on the question. He was single. He liked being single. He recommended to others. He wished everyone was single.

For the dangerous ministry God called him to do, he needed to be single, but what he did not do is to command everyone to be like him. Hew knew that would be foolish.

It is a matter of gifts. Paul says that some have the gift of marriage. They would be miserable being single and some have the gift of singleness. They would hate being married.

The next question they asked as about sex in marriage. Should married couples try to have a spiritual marriage and abstain from sex?

Paul said, “No.” Practicing abstinence is a good idea if you are single. It is a bad idea if you are married. Paul says it will only set you up to temptation.

If you are single, don’t live like you are married. If you are married, don’t live like you are single. If you are married, you should act like you are married.

Paul says that husbands are not to defraud their wives. Wives are not to defraud their husbands. Paul said something that was way ahead of his time.

There is complete equality here. The husband does not have full authority over his body. The wife does not have complete authority over her body.

Today, we are going to look at another question. It is not about singleness and marriage. It is about marriage and divorce.

What if you are married and have a terrible marriage? What if you are married but are miserable? Should you get a divorce?

What does the Bible teach about divorce? That is a controversial topic today. A lot of preachers will give different answers to these questions.

Last week, we looked at Paul’s inspired teaching on singleness and marriage. Today, we are going to look at Paul’s inspired teaching on marriage and divorce.

Is Paul’s Teaching Authoritative?

Paul tells us what he says about the topic. He tells us what Jesus said about the topic. These verses have been misunderstood.

Some say, “I want to know what Jesus said. I don’t care what Paul said. Some say that what Paul says here is not authoritative or inspired. Paul is just giving his opinion.

Paul says in I Corinthians 7:10, “To the married I give this command (NOT I, BUT THE LORD): A wife must not separate from her husband” (NIV)

Two verses later, Paul says, “To the rest I say this (I, NOT THE LORD): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her” (I Corinthians 7:12 NIV)

Paul is NOT saying, “This is just my advice, but it is not inspired. It is not Jesus talking.”

At the end of the chapter, he says, “In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” (I Corinthians 7:40 NIV)

That is kind of funny. Paul was a real apostle. He performed miracles. He raised people from the dead. He wrote Scripture and he says, “and I think I have the Spirit of God.” I also think he had the Spirit of God.

If anyone thinks they are a prophet or otherwise gifted by the Spirit, let them acknowledge that what I am writing to you is the Lord’s command. (I Corinthians 14:37 NIV).

Paul was an apostle of Jesus Christ. He wrote scripture under divine inspiration. He is not saying that what he writes is not inspired or authoritative.

Paul tells us what he says about the topic. He tells us what Jesus said about the topic. Jesus never addressed some of the questions they asked him in His earthly ministry.

Jesus did not specifically talk about some of the topics that Paul addresses. He did not give a previous command about it. This is new revelation. Paul got some things from Jesus and some things from the Holy Spirit.

Divorce Today

Today, we want to talk about a painful reality that you never hear in church. Young couples are never told this before marriage. Marriage is hard.

Spouses fight. Sometimes they can’t stand each other. Marriages break up. The marriages of Christians break up. Divorce is a reality. One preacher called divorce “the number one problem with the American family.”[1]

Divorces are common. The US does not have the highest divorce rate in the world, but it is in the top ten.[2] Let me share with you some statistics. A divorce takes place every forty-two seconds in America. There are 82 divorces every hour and over 2,000 per day and 747,000 a year.[3]

Divorce is prevalent in our society and prevalent in the church. Christians get divorced. Some of us in this room may have gone through a divorce.

The only to question to ask is, What does the Bible say? The Bible has a lot to say about the topic. It is in the OT and the NT. It deals with everyday topics.

What God said about Divorce

We want to look at what God says about divorce. We want to look at what Jesus says about divorce. We want to look at what Paul says about divorce. What did God say about divorce?

13 This is another thing you do. You cover the LORD’s altar with your tears. You cry and moan, because he does not accept your offerings and is not pleased with what you bring. 14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD sees how you treated the wife you married when you were young. You broke your promise to her, even though she was your partner and you had an agreement with her.

15 God made husbands and wives to become one body and one spirit for his purpose—so they would have children who are true to God. So be careful, and do not break your promise to the wife you married when you were young.

16 The LORD God of Israel says, “I hate divorce. And I hate people who do cruel things as easily as they put on clothes,” says the LORD All-Powerful. So be careful. And do not break your trust.” (Malachi 2:13-16 NCV)

God does not just say that divorce is not a good plan. He does not just say that it is not His best for you. He says that “I HATE divorce.” It may be necessary. It may be unavoidable. It is not always a sin, but God hates it.

God did not say that He hates divorced people, just divorce. He hates sin, not the sinner. He forgives all sin, including marriage sins and divorce is not the unpardonable sin.

The problem today is that we have disposable marriages. We have the concept that if there are problems, just throw the whole thing away and start over. It is easy.

There is a spirit of divorce in the land and even in the church. Couples today go into a marriage with prenuptial agreements in case a divorce happens. They are anticipating and planning for it to happen. That sets you up for failure.

My wife and I have had some marriage problems, like any couple. My daughter is here today and will testify that our marriage is not perfect but we never talked about divorce. We never even considered it.

That’s what happens when you marry the right woman. That’s what happens when you marry a Jersey girl. My wife is from New Jersey. No. That is what happens when you marry a strong Christian who is a solid believer. What did Jesus say about divorce?

What Jesus said about Divorce

Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.

2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’

So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (Mark 10:1-9 NIV)

The Pharisees came to trick Jesus. They did not do this once. They did it repeatedly. On this occasion, they came up with a trick question. It happened to be a question about divorce.

“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” They were not coming to learn from Jesus but to try to accuse Him, to try to trip Him up.

What did Jesus say? Jesus answered their question with a question. They asked him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He said, “What did Moses command you?”

He answered their question by going back to the Bible. We need to do the same thing today. What does the Bible say, not what does society say but what does God say?

When Jesus told them, what does the Bible say? They went to Deuteronomy. Jesus went back to Genesis. He went back to the beginning. He went back to the first marriage in the Garden.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh

This is some strange math. One plus one equals two. God says in marriage one plus one equals one.[1] In marriage math, two become one. It is the math of a good marriage.

What about divorce? Jesus said, “what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Moses did not say that. Jesus did. There are some powerful marriage principles. Let’s look at five marriage principles.

Marriage Principles

Principle 1 – God is the one who joins married couples together (Mark 10:9). We may fall in love, but God joins people together.

Principle 2 – Marriage results in a one flesh union (Mark 10:8). The two become one flesh.

Principle 3 – What God has joined together, let no one separate (Mark 10:9). That is a command.

Principle 4– Divorce is permitted in some circumstances (Mark 10:4). Jesus could have said that it is never permitted but He did not.

Principle 5 – It is permitted because of sin (Mark 10:5). It is permitted because of the hardness of people’s hearts.

Jesus says the Pharisees asked the wrong question. They asked if divorce was lawful. It is.

Even Jesus says, not in Mark but in Matthew, it is permitted in the case of “sexual immorality” (Matthew 19:9 NIV). The word used for immorality (πορνείᾳ) refers to sexual sin.

Even though divorce is lawful in some situations and even though it is legal, it is not God’s original intention for marriage. It is not part of God’s original plan or design for marriage, and He was the one who created it.

What Paul said about Divorce

What does Paul say? He repeats what Jesus says and then he adds new revelation on marriage and divorce. He deals with three situations. One situation deals with marriage in general. Two situations deal with mixed marriages. Let’s look at these three divorce scenarios.

Scenario One

Scenario one is a general prohibition of divorce. It is just a summary of what Jesus said. Paul said, “I don’t give this command. The Lord does.” What Jesus said to Jews applies to Jews. It applies to Christians. It applies to everyone.

Marriage is good but it is not easy. It is not a union of two angels. It is a union of two sinners. Even saved sinners are still sinners. We are not completely sanctified yet.

Divorce is not an option. Counseling may be but not divorce. If you separate, Paul says there should be NO divorce and NO remarriage. The goal is reconciliation.

What about the exceptions? Paul quotes Jesus. Jesus said that divorce was allowed in the case of sexual immorality. Paul is not writing a treatise on marriage. This is not a dissertation. Paul is not writing a marriage manual, just a summary of what Jesus said. He is just answering questions.

Scenario Two

What does this second scenario deal with? Mixed marriages. A mixed marriage is the marriage between a believer and an unbeliever. The Bible teaches that mixed marriages are wrong.

If you are a Christian, you are to only marry another Christian. In fact, Paul says that in this chapter.

A married woman is not free as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, then she is free to be married to any man she wishes, but only if he is a Christian (I Corinthians 7:39 GNT)

Mixed marriages are wrong but what if two unbelievers get married and one gets saved. This is a new situation. Jesus never said anything about this. He never covered this new situation.

Should you dump your unbelieving spouse and go find a Christian man or woman, if the person has not committed adultery? Should the person stay married or get a divorce?

What if your husband is an idol worshiper? What if he is a member of a cult? What if he is a flat-out atheist? Should I get a saved spouse so I can serve God better?

If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must NOT divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must NOT divorce him. (I Corinthians 7:12-13 NIV)

Our biggest problem today is not Christians divorcing unbelievers who want to still stay married, although that still happens today. A bigger problem is Christians wanting to marry unbelievers in the first place.

Paul gives another reason why believers should not divorce their spouses who want to remain married.

Meaning of I Corinthians 7:14

What is that talking about? This is a passage that has been misinterpreted by some Christians. We practice believers’ baptism in our church. The only people who are baptized in the Bible are believers.

They may be big believers or little believers but they are believers. The command is to “believe and be baptized.” It is never “be baptized and then believe later.” Some teach infant baptism. Whole denominations teach this. They baptize little babies.

One of the verses they use to justify it is I Corinthians 7:14. Paul says that the children of believers are holy and so they say that they are part of the church. They are holy. You can baptize them. That is not what Paul is saying.

There is nothing about baptism in this verse. With this logic, if you can baptize unbelieving children because they are holy, then you could also baptize an unbelieving spouses, because they are also said to be holy.

Furthermore, just because you have Christian parents does not make you saved. Salvation is NOT genetic. There is no salvation by association. Children have to believe to be saved. They have to accept the gospel for themselves.

What does it mean that the children are said to be “holy.” The word “holy” is not the same as the word “saved.” Notice what Paul says that in I Corinthians 7:16.

16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (I Corinthians 7:16 NIV)

The word holy simply means “set apart”. You can be set part and be saved. You can be set apart and not be saved.

How does a believer sanctify the unbelievers in the home? If you are saved, there is a spiritual influence in the home. There is a godly presence there. You get to shine the light of Christ there every day. You get to be a channel of witness and blessing to the rest of the family. There is biblical precedent for this.

God blessed Laban’s livestock because of Jacob (Genesis 30:29-30). God blessed Potiphar’s house, because of Joseph (Genesis 39:5). Potiphar could see that God was with him and granted him success in everything that he did (Genesis 39:2-3).

Scenario Three

But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (I Corinthians 7:16 NIV)

In the last situation, the unbeliever wants to stay in the marriage. In this scenario, the unbeliever wants to get out of the marriage and leaves the marriage. What are you supposed to do?

Paul says to let the spouse go. He doesn’t deal with what to do if the spouse takes the kids with him or her. That is a different issue.

What he says is that in this case, the believer is not bound. The believer is not under bondage. That is another way of saying that the believer is free.

Free means free to divorce and free to remarry (cf. I Corinthians 7:39-40). If you can’t remarry, you are not really free.

That seems to be the end of it. Right? Maybe not. There are some words in the passage that many of us skip over.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (I Corinthians 7:16 NIV)

Wayne Grudem points out that the Bible doesn’t just say that the brother or the sister is not bound but that the brother or the sister is not bound in SUCH CASES.

He has studied every use of this phrase in ancient Greek in the plural and it is not limited to the original situation.[6]

If that is the case, divorce, while not God’s original intention, is permissible, not just for adultery and desertion for other reasons as well (e.g., abuse/domestic violence).

[1] https://www.sermonsearch.com/sermon-outlines/10466/jesus-on-divorce/#

[2][2] https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/divorce-rates-by-country

[3] https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

[4] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLE_cz6IYjo

[5] https://www.sermonsearch.com/sermon-outlines/10466/jesus-on-divorce/#

[6] https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/podcasts/quick-to-listen/wayne-grudem-divorce-abuse-complementarianism.html. Grudem provides evidence for this view in his book What the Bible Says about Divorce and Remarriage (Crossway, 2021).

I Corinthians 7